What I learned: Month 1.

November 4th was my last day at my job. I made cupcakes for my teammates and gave them all hugs at the end of the day. I left knowing my health insurance was good until December first and after that, I would need to figure out private insurance and how to pay for it. I left knowing my last paycheck would hit my bank account the following Friday and after that, I would need to figure out money. I left knowing nothing much would change in the first few weeks but then that a lot would change very quickly and I would need to figure it out.

The next week was a whirlwind. I had a photography conference followed by two weddings and three family sessions. November was a busy month, but one night, a week before Thanksgiving, I started to panic.

I was laying in bed and my mind started racing. “December first is coming up FAST. Your last check is almost spent. You have weddings booked and some money coming in but you have no idea what’s going to get you through the summer!!” My brain went into full crazy mode presenting every roadblock, every problem, every ounce of doubt.

Then all at once, I realized, none of that has happened yet.

Because the truth was that RIGHT THEN, right that VERY MINUTE, we were all safe. We all had eaten dinner. We all went to bed with the heater turned to the perfect degree of cozy. We all had health insurance. We all had running water, electricity, a working car, and money in the bank. In the morning, Kayden would wake up and go to school, my mom would cook breakfast, I would get on my computer and build a business that had so much of my passion and heart, and if I couldn’t enjoy those days that were absolutely perfect, then what was I doing?

Why would I give up enjoying a perfectly fabulous day in exchange for worrying about a day that might or might not be perfect?

Why would I even bother working for all those things if I couldn’t enjoy them while they were there?

There’s a quote that says: Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.

Whatever is waiting for me tomorrow, good or bad, will be there. I can’t give the beauty of right now away to the unknown of tomorrow.

This month has taught me to live in the moment, to let go of worry, and to have faith that tomorrow will be taken care of because today was.

 

Denise Karis is an Arizona photographer who enjoys musicals, Doctor Who and breakfast burritos. IG @denisekaris