Day 80: Things I Learned in Therapy: Part 1

I’ve gone to therapy twice in my life, each time with a specific goal in mind. Once to figure out how to leave a toxic relationship, and once to figure out how to leave a toxic job. Each time took a few months to work through the before’s and after’s, but each time I left a significantly better person. I left more in control, more empowered, with more healthy thoughts going through my head, and more loving ways to show up for the people I love.

Having said all that, there are wrong ways to show up for therapy. First, don’t show up looking to be validated that everything you’re doing is exactly right so you can use it against the people in your life. Like, gross. But I’ve seen it happen MANY a time. Second, don’t show up looking to argue. Show up looking to learn. If you show up stuck in your ways and hard headed, your therapist will literally straight up ask you why you’re there.

Okay so we are doing this over a three day period. The first thing I learned in therapy was how to goal. You see, I would set a goal, say, visit my Grandmother in March. But then February would come around and I’d look at my life and think “Ah, well, it doesn’t look like it’s gonna work this time around, I’ll try to make it out there soon!”

I was doing it wrong. It was a one jump thing for me. Can I make it out there or not? Instead, meeting a goal consists of small steps.

So what might the first step look like in making sure I get out to see my Grandma in March? I could set a date. Okay. Step 1.

Step two might be to write out the cost. Reserve a hotel. Make a car reservation. Until you reach the top step of going to visit Grandma.

What are your goals? What is that first small step you need to take to make it happen? Draw out a staircase and map it out! Don’t think everything is just “Pack up and go”, the way to climb a mountain is one step at a time!

Day 98 is currently reserved for any questions you have throughout the 100 days. To submit a question, please click here! If you’re interested in supporting this project, please share, PIN and comment! Any other questions, comments or ideas, please feel free to email me at denise(at)denisekaris(dot)com

Denise Karis is an Arizona wedding photographer who enjoys musicals, Doctor Who and breakfast burritos. IG @denisekaris

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