Day 46: Read The Subtle Art of not Giving a F***

Right before leaving my day job, I was lucky enough to read two books that straight up changed my life. This was one of them. The other one you can read about here. Author Mark Manson does a wonderful job of bringing to your attention just how ridiculous we are as human beings. We pour so much of our attention into things that don’t matter so that we can look impressive to people we don’t even know. We put ourselves in a cycle of comparison and blindly believe everyone else’s highlight reels online are what their real lives look like. We become so unhappy with our own lives, we aim so high that nothing could ever live up to our expectations, and in doing this we doom ourselves.

This book takes you through letting go of things that don’t matter. He brings to light the truth in our decisions and the downfall in our current way of thinking. If you’ve ever thought, “I wish I didn’t care as much as I do about social media”, or “I wish I didn’t care so much about appearances and looking successful to other people”, then this book is totally for you.

One of the sections I highlighted kicked me right in the face and I knew I was reading the right book. Mark says:

Because when you give too many f***s—when you give a f*** about everyone and everything—you will feel that you’re perpetually entitled to be comfortable and happy at all times, that everything is supposed to be just exactly the f***ing way you want it to be. This is a sickness. And it will eat you alive. You will see every adversity as an injustice, every challenge as a failure, every inconvenience as a personal slight, every disagreement as a betrayal.

Have you ever met with a couple and found out a few weeks later that they booked your friend instead? I have. Did you feel like it was a punch to the gut? Yeah, me too. Did you know that that feeling comes completely from your ego? I didn’t either. The above statement made me realize that not every loss is a point against me. I’m not measured by wins and losses. My friend isn’t better than me because she booked a wedding that I didn’t. If you get dirty honest with yourself and can see that you might have a victim mentality, run to get this book!

This book requires a lot of self awareness. It requires you to take a good hard look in the mirror and be honest about how you think and feel, and where those thoughts and feelings are coming from. It’s not always comfortable, but I think that adds so much value to this book. He takes you through changing your values, defining success for yourself, and choosing a path not based on what anyone else thinks. In another section about dating, he says:

I asked myself a simple question: “Would I rather make decent money and work a job I hated, or play at Internet entrepreneur and be broke for a while?” The answer was immediate and clear for me: the latter. I then asked myself, “If I try this thing and fail in a few years and have to go get a job anyway, will I have really lost anything?” The answer was no. Instead of a broke and unemployed twenty-two-year-old with no experience, I’d be a broke and unemployed twenty-five-year-old with no experience. Who cares?

This book was incredibly timely in my own life. I had been thinking that same thought for years and it wasn’t until Mark outright said it that I could see it as a real option. He has an amazing way of talking straight to your heart… forcing you to look at all the things in your mind that you’d actually rather avoid. The things you know are there… the things you know need attention but you just don’t want to. He is super raw and no nonsense and it’s completely needed. I think a book like this is just what everyone needs right now.

And finally:

Don’t just sit there. Do something. The answers will follow.

You guys, my book is fillllled with highlights that rock my entire world. I’m so grateful Mark stepped in with his book when he did because I’m still riding the high of reading this book a month later. I hope you read it and love it too!

Day 98 is currently reserved for any questions you have throughout the next 100 days. To submit a question, please click here!  If you’re interested in supporting this project, please share, PIN and comment! Any other questions, comments or ideas, please feel free to email me at denise(at)denisekaris(dot)com

Denise Karis is an Arizona wedding photographer who enjoys musicals, Doctor Who and breakfast burritos. IG @denisekaris

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